Cheryl A Gomes, LMSW Speaker, Consultant, Advocate for Domestic Violence, Ordained Chaplain Board of Commissioners State of Conneticut Community Board 

Cheryl is a native of New Haven Connecticut. Cheryl is a Servant First, a graduate of the UConn, School of Social Work where she obtained a dual master’s degree in Community Organization, and Mental Health and Addiction Services. Cheryl is a former Youth Commissioner for the City of New Haven Ct. She presently serves as a Governor appointed Commissioner for the State of Connecticut Board of Commission for Community Service. She is an Ordained Chaplain, Visionary, and Founder of My Sistah’s Innovative Mentoring Group as well as My Sistahs’s Circle, a Domestic Violence Support Group. Cheryl is a retired educator of over thirty years, and has taught locally, and abroad; at St. Croix USVI. Cheryl’s vision is to Embrace, Empower, and Inspire (breathe life) into women who have been affected by domestic violence, sexual assault, mental illness, or domestic abuse. When Cheryl tells her story of overcoming obstacles and embracing her life realizing she (we) are no longer victims, but victorious. Cheryl’s transparent message speaks volumes through all demographics. As she reflects on being beaten in her third-grade classroom in front of her students, as the students threw books and erasers at her abuser screaming “Leave Ms. Gomes alone”, she was quickly reminded of losing her son at five months; unable to save him, but found the strength to get up from the floor and fight back to save herself and her students. Thirty years later, Cheryl continues to speak her Truth. After spending time in jail, Cheryl promised herself once she was delivered, she would fight, walk, and support Domestic Violence by any means necessary; Love Shouldn’t Hurt! Cheryl’s Motto is “Love Yourself First, Know Your Worth”

” If I didn’t define myself for myself I would be eaten alive by everyone’s opinion of me” Audre Lorde

I can ALL things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13

Can you share with us the inspiration behind founding My Sistah’s Innovative Mentoring Group and My Sistah’s Circle, and how these organizations support women affected by domestic violence?

The inspiration behind founding My Sistah’s Innovative Mentoring Group I had been working with young adults nearly 40 years in all capacities; trauma informed, special needs, adjudicated youth, troubled girls who were broken and bruised. For 22 years I was a teen leader at my church which allowed me to council and embrace the young adults. God reminded me this was my calling being a victim of trauma, sexual assault, mental and emotional abuse as a young girl. Constantly bullied for being pretty and dressing nicely. I saw the same pain with the population I had the pleasure of working with. I knew I had to be a vessel for them, a voice to the voiceless. As my girls got older still dealing with their traumatic issues, My Sistah’s Circle was birthed 7 years ago empowering and embracing the older young ladies and women identifying with their abuse. I started a confidential conference call weekly for women to have a safe place to disclose, heal, and learn about the very facets of abuse; sexual, physical, emotional, financial, and verbal. Most importantly, the women were from the church, police officers’ wives, and Pastors wives.

As a former educator with over thirty years of experience, how have your professional background and personal experiences influenced your advocacy work for domestic violence survivors?

As a Survivor of Domestic Violence beaten in my classroom in front of my students. I continue to speak throughout the U.S. telling my stories and teaching women the tools on being a survivor no longer a victim. My organization is a women’s support group. We educate via social media, we offer the weekly confidential conference call to equip women and educate them on topics that refence domestic violence’ having an exit plan in place, knowing your worth, building you self-esteem and your self-worth. As a former educator, teaching women the tools to maintain as a woman being your best authentic self is my passion as well as trusting God. The goal is to turn your pain into your passion.

Your motto is “Love Yourself First, Know Your Worth.” How do you encourage women to embrace self-love and recognize their value, especially in the context of abusive relationships?

Regarding my motto “Love Yourself First, Know Your Worth” I encourage women to fight, letting them know they are not alone. I tell my story of being with high powered men not wanting for anything very well kept, but also very broken. I didn’t love myself, not knowing my worth. After being beaten I was rewarded with lavish gifts thinking that was love. It wasn’t until I was beaten in my classroom in ST. Croix USVI while on the floor trying to fight back watching my students throw books and erasers at my abuser screaming “leave Ms. Gomes alone”, I knew then I had to get up and fight; enough is enough, love should not hurt. Weekly we discuss growth, healing, your value, and reminding women it is not your fault.

What are some common misconceptions about domestic violence, and how do you work to break down these myths through your advocacy efforts?

In terms of common misconceptions about domestic violence.

 A few are domestic violence is unusual. People feel there is only physical abuse not identifying that verbal and emotional abuse still exists, and more vital. So many women can remember how they felt and what their abuser said after years of ending the relationships.

It’s impossible to love someone who abuses you. It’s very complex to admit we as victims loved our abusers, and it’s very hard to accept. In our eyes love shouldn’t hurt, but it does.

If someone abuses you, it’s an obvious decision to leave that relationship.

If you love the person and economically dependent on them, it’s difficult to leave,

My Sistahs Circle women’s support group teach women the tips, and tools of an exit plan to leave. Ot does not happen overnight. The objective is to remain safe.

What advice would you give to individuals who are currently experiencing domestic violence or supporting someone who is?

The advice we recommend to women is letting them they are never alone. We equip them with resources, other groups that will encourage them to keep going. I personally tell my story so they can see first had there is hope. Being transparent is the key to reaching wounded women.

How do you see the landscape of domestic violence awareness and prevention evolving in the future, and what role do you hope to play in that evolution?

In regards to seeing the landscape of domestic violence details surrounding domestic violence highlighting its contradictions. Women face social, cultural, and institutional barriers to rights. Access to housing, jobs, childcare, and dealing with law enforcement personnel who are overburdened and sexist unwilling to help women due to lack of their proper training and acknowledging the history of domestic violence in terms of severity.

My role is and always has been to continue the fight addressing legislature, revisiting policies that are in place that are not affective, increasing sentencing for abusers, re-writing polices for the betterment of women who have been affected by any form of abuse.

What message would you like to share with our audience about the importance of speaking out against domestic violence and supporting survivors in their journey to healing and empowerment?

The message I speak to My Sistahs’ is you are never alone. Learn to love yourself, know your worth. It’s hard, but possible. My favorite scripture is Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ”, I stand on that today. Even though I was beaten, broken, sexually assaulted, and cocaine addicted to ease the pain, I stand on God’s word. I remind myself daily that I went from having it all, being kept, not wanting anything to living in a shelter with only the clothes on my back. I left the millionaire lifestyle having nothing but my dignity but look at me now. A knew creature in Christ who delivered me while in jail and assuring through his word, that I Am Fearfully and Wonderfully made. I am a Queen today who continues to walk by faith, not by sight, feeling good about ME! Keep going Sis, ask for help. Domestic Violence National Hotline is 800-799-7233.

What is your definition of a Pretty Woman who hustles?

My definition of Pretty Women who hustles. In agreement with your motto: An unapologetically Pretty with a whole lot of HUSTLE. I would add who knows her worth.

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