Webster’s defines happiness as “a state of well-being an contentment” and as a “pleasurable or satisfying experience”. One thing I have come to understand in my 51 years of life is that one’s definition of happiness as well as one’s requirements to experience happiness are ever evolving based on where one is in their life.
One thing that must be examined is our current mindset. This should be a constant process . We should be intentional on checking in with self. We should always be working on self. It is important to ask ourselves some things: -Where am I? -How am I feeling? Why am I feeling what I am feeling? -What am I thinking and why am I thinking what I am thinking? -What changes do I need to make?
When we honestly answer these questions, I believe we realize some keys to our happiness as well as our perspective on happiness. I encourage my clients to set aside time to reflect at minimum once a month- so much happens and there are many things that impact us mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually. We must be intentional in showing up and doing the work daily.
I would like to share some keys to happiness that I pray will give each of us a fresh perspective and something to really contemplate going forward. –YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OWN HAPPINESS. Now I know this may be a shocker to many, but at the end of day, it is no one else’s responsibility to make you happy, nor are you responsible for someone else’s happiness. We often say things like, “As long as you’re happy, I’m happy” and that may not always be the case. As women, we are taught to be agreeable and congenial, and sometimes that may not be true. We should commit to always be true to ourselves and never feel as though we have to compromise where it puts us at a disadvantage or depletes us. In that same vein, we should never put pressure on an individual to give us something that we cannot and do not give ourselves. We should never ask someone to fill a cup that we are not willing to pour into ourselves. Happiness starts with YOU!
-IF IT DOES NOT BRING YOU A STATE OF CONTENTMENT OR IS A SATISFYING EXPERIENCE, STOP DOING IT. This is a habit that must broken. We do not have to do things that do not fulfill us or bring us a level of satisfaction or pleasure. We can say no to things, and we can say yes to new things that broaden our horizons and peak our interest into learning more about ourselves and our evolution as a woman. This is why is so important to check in with ourselves and ask the hard questions.
-FIND HAPPINESS IN THE LITTLE THINGS. Stop expecting to find happiness in material things, money, the number of followers and likes, positions, titles, our physical appearance, etc.,etc. It is really true that happiness comes from WITHIN. If we do not like what is on the inside of us, do the work to change it, because nothing that we do to the outside will allow us to experience long-term and sustainable happiness. Changing our appearance , our purse, or our car will give us a temporary level of satisfaction, but ultimately, we will see something else, find ourselves comparing ourselves and competing with others who could care less about us, our happiness, or state of mind. We will bankrupt ourselves financially and emotionally trying to meet the expectations of others that were never important in the first place. Check you heart and check your motives.
As a Certified Life Coach, I encourage my clients to get an accountability partner-someone that will be honest, keep us focused, and hold us to a standard that help us to grow, blossom, and flourish. Never be afraid to be transparent and authentic. Showing up in this way gives others the opportunity to see what it looks like, the freedom it affords, and gives them the permission to do the same. This is how we let our light shine. This is how we empower and enlighten others. This is how we are truly our sister’s keeper.
Keep showing up and keep doing your work…. I’m rooting for you! -Coach V
