Have you ever been in a relationship and you really didn’t know what was going on? You meet the person, you like them. Great! You go out on dates, talk on the phone, and do all the things that dating folks do. But one day you find yourself wondering, “What’s really going on?” You can’t pinpoint the problem, but you know this isn’t what a genuine relationship should look like. Next, you start second-guessing yourself, concluding that it’s just you overthinking like you always do.

You try your best to overcome these nudges and thoughts, but you just can’t. What gets you is that the other person in the relationship is fine. They act as if things are normal and the relationship is just peachy. They hardly ever complain about the growth or the maturity of the relationship. As a matter of fact, the only time there’s pressure is when they find a problem with something that you’re doing as an individual that doesn’t serve them.

Now, here lies the problem. Is this the piece you couldn’t find when you were trying to figure out where the disconnect was? This isn’t a healthy relationship. This is not by any means a fruitful relationship. A relationship is always equal in serving one another. Not serving as in “I serve you a glass of apple juice.” Serve in the manner of emotional, mental, and spiritual needs. A person should always value the fact that the other person is an individual with their own personality, hobbies, and interests.

Whether dating, engaged, or married, each person has to give the other one space to live out their goals and dreams. They must realize that the person they are in a relationship with will have a life outside the relationship they share. Now, this doesn’t mean another extra, inappropriate relationship. Let me give you an example. Susie is dating Bob. Bob enjoys fishing and hanging out with his guy friends from time to time.

Susie gives Bob his freedom and space to do so. But when it’s time for Susie to hang with her family, all hell breaks loose! Or, if Susie has an event to attend. She gives Bob ample time for planning if he would like to attend Susie’s special event. But instead of planning ahead, Bob becomes mad, bitter, frustrated & angry when it’s time for Susie to have her space and freedom to enjoy her event. This happening over a period of time can put stress on a relationship.

It builds a wedge between the two. Susie will begin to see that the relationship is not good for her. She soon begins declining family events. She turns down opportunities that she once enjoyed in order to quell Bob’s anger.

There was an individual who was very close to her sibling. But every phone call, dinner date, or meeting at the mall to shop was met by opposition from the significant other. Instead of enjoying precious moments with the other sibling, the individual would dread going home.

She wanted to share all of the fun she had out with her sibling, but she couldn’t. Why? Because her significant other would get angry and make her feel she’d done something wrong. So, to make him happy, she stopped enjoying her sibling’s company. But her loved one still moved only a few blocks from her. Probably in hopes of being closer. She still remained distant. Her sibling died, and she didn’t find out until after her passing. This caused so much regret & sorrow. Think about that.

In all that’s been shared in this article, please take the following to heart. Before entering into a relationship, truly get to know the person. Watch how they interact with others. Watch to see if they have a quick temper. See if they are quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to anger. Find out if they are easy to talk to. Not just about what they want, but what you want. If they ask your opinion but never utilize it, then that’s a sign of selfishness. Life is short and full of problems. You want to share your life with someone who is kind but strong. Humble be ready to fight for you in the spirit by nurturing you & praying for you. Take your time leave nothing to chance. Pay close attention. Good looks, cars & a good job won’t love & nurture you when you are hurting. Paying the bills & taking you out to eat is nothing compared to having a soft answer, a kind voice, and a gentle disposition. Clear these things from the gate so that there are no blurred lines.

Author Keycha Dorsey